Marry-go-round!

"A caring and family oriented girl with simple living and high thinking"..."I got a first class throughout my career with 99% in tenth standard"..."Looking for Mr.cool and handsome". All these headlines certainly made my head spin. As you might have guessed, I was skimming through "desi" matrimonial sites. The sole reason being curiousity, to learn about how exactly do these portals work and do business. Well, it was certainly entertaining to look at people selling themselves in any and every way possible!The photos looked fake (the expressions i mean) and the profile essays were shameless ripoffs of samples from some of the online essay sites :P
Well, this is one way "desi"(s) look to find "soulmate"(s) and try to make their life easier. "Easier" because it's certainly convenient to find someone online, unlike going through the rigmarole of understanding the other person. Some of the sites might be doing well, given the fact that Indians are fond of a closed system, when it comes to marriage and man-woman relationships. The most famous remark (somewhat caustic) on this system was in our very own desi flick "Pardes". One of the actors remarks that "you guys tether boys and girls separately like they were some kinda animals".
The movie, although made with an honest intention, highlighted the parochial attitude of people from some parts of India. In the flick, just as in real life, the girl goes through the "arranged marriage" process and ends up getting screwed (almost! thanks to King Khan :)). Also the fact that Indians are suckers for the America based "NRI boy with indian cultural values" is quite evident. In fact, my research on these sites took me to one which had a roster of "H1-B approved candidates" (No jokes guys! this is for real!)
Taking a step back, we could really do an analysis on why these sites are so popular. The west does not have such a thing, although they do have lots of online dating sites. India is evolving and has been adopting values from the west. Yet, somehow we seem to be a closed society when it comes to these matters. Still, many communities, indulge in "horoscopes" and "manglik" etc. Apparently, these folks seem to have forgotten the premises on which a marriage ought to be built. The foundation has to be strong committment and understanding and not some celestial bodies whose positions dictate whether or not a marriage can succeed. The west has its own shortcomings, since it has a open society which encourages a "no holds barred" approach. But, its a different society in terms of concepts like "live in" relationship etc, some of which might not find approval in "modern" india as well.
Digressing a bit, "love marriage" is another concept in Indian culture where in two people seem to have found true marital bliss. There are differences between the "arranged" and "love" marriage(s). One advocates understanding a person before entering wedlock while the other has vice versa. The "risk" factor or "instability quotient" is equal on either side. The "love"d one might be a good date, may or may not turn out to be a good spouse. Same is the case with the "arranged" marriage gang. They are ready to move ahead with compromises, to make their marriage work. But, then what is the point if the relationship is based entirely on compromise?
All said and done, there seems to be no magical formula as to why relationships work. If someone could find the panacea to all the relationship based issues, this world would be a better place to live. No hurling of vessels from the kitchen, no heated arguments, no heart burns and no two timing partners......well..that's it.. apparently there seems to be a good lookin dame on shaadi.com....i gotta rush... cya!!

A hunting we will go..

Picture this – You are standing in the middle of the most brutal battle ever fought. The enemy is a ….well…suit-clad ,smart, bald man in his mid 40’s. His weapons are more penetrating than the tip of a sharpened knife. They are questions which make your head spin! The baldy is hell bent on making you tap out with his volley of queries and make you leave the battle field, hurt and disgraced. Well, that is how a job interview goes ….BAD!.

One fine day, my friend Kris (An MS grad in NYC who was day dreaming about the “American Dream”) got a call. A very sweet voice said “Hi, my name is Kristen Davis and I am calling from ABB Associates”. “A-B-B”, screamed Kris. Quite obvious, given this was his dream company. “I have a job opening for a Software Developer Intern at ABB..blah..blah..blah”. Kris was quite thrilled (partly because he was already imagining about the Kristen gal!) since this was an excellent prospect for an MS grad, to get “experience” and rake in some moolah as well. All said and done, Kris agreed for an interview at ABB’s office in California. He started making plans for California (CA), made calls to all the folks he knew in various parts of CA and started dreaming about the photo he would take against HP and Gates buildings at Stanford University. The day arrived, and this dude boarded the flight to CA, tuned in to a song he had chosen for this “special” occasion (first trip to California!) which was “Hotel California”. One the day of the interview, ensuring that he looked spiffy, Kris called a cab (being a desi, he would never have called one…. but this was being reimbursed!). Kris arrived at ABB’s plush office, and was astounded by the architecture around, the glass design and also the hot blonde receptionist who noticed his ogling (man’s favorite pastime) and asked him “What can I do for you?”. Kris muttered the details and was escorted for the first of his 4 rounds of interviews that day.

Round One- A well dressed gentleman came into the room and shook hands with our friend. Confidence personified, Kris was all set to nail this one (after all, he had a GPA of 4+). The gentleman looked to be someone higher up as he introduced himself, “Hi, my name is Kenneth and I am the hiring manager for the Quality Assurance (QA) position which you applied for”. ‘What the hell?”, thought Kris as he was sure this was an interview for a Developer position. But, then he thought, “Let’s take this one as it comes”. The first round was quite pleasant with Kenneth doing all the talking and Kris listening with rapt attention.

Round Two- After a pleasant first round, in came a man who looked a bit like the villain in old Kungfu movies. A tall guy with a long beard who came in and introduced himself
as “Chang”. “I have been in Quality Ass. for a decade and this is what I do for a living”.
This guy gave Kris some goosebumps! Man, for a person who knew nothing about QA to be interviewed by someone with so much experience was nothing less than a duel between David and Goliath. The questions flew left,right and center. Terms like “bugs list”, “white box testing” and “black box testing”. For Kris, this was just like those german war movies his roomie watched which Kris did not understand one bit. “Pardon” and “Excuse Me” alongwith “Can you elaborate a bit?” were the only phrases he would use to respond to the questions which seemed to be making no sense to him.

Round Three- After the bloodbath in the previous round, Kris wanted to go to the restroom and relieve himself from all the tension. As he got up and walked towards the door,in came the next guy armed with a whole bunch of sheets and a laptop. Our friend wanted to ask permission to leave when a voice boomed “We are kinda running behind schedule, so can you fill up this questionnaire before leaving for a break?”. Alas! Kris slouched into the chair and began ploughing through the barrage of questions. Kris spoke “The code on each of these pages is written in a strange format can you please explain?”.
“Well, we use Java here and this is all Java stuff” came the reply from the bloke who was hooked onto the laptop. “J-A-V-A? My skill set includes C# and .NET technologies, that is what I was told over the phone would be asked!” Kris thought. The night mare of an interview continued….

For years together, people have written tomes about how-to-prepare-for-interviews, cracking em’ and how to impress the interviewers. Albeit, there are still distressed souls who do struggle with interviews. As per experts, the best way to start an interview is to take a deep breath and calm down before starting the process. All said and done, there is still an element of luck involved at times which can swing the decision either ways – you might be hired or might not be. All said and done, its an interesting game where the real foe is pressure and the only friend is confidence!

An obituary for my inspiration..

Any artiste is always blessed with a unique ability to entertain-be it his or her singing,dancing or acting. Historically, there have been very few who could prove their mettle in more than one area. To be specific, there are even fewer who can feel the pulse of their audience, make the audience laugh or cry as per their will. पु. ल. देशपांडे (P.L.Deshpande) was one man who was able to identify the "literary" needs of the common man with great ease. "P.L." as he was fondly called,was admired by the Marathi speaking population because of the subtle way of his writings and plays. The middle class population, esp., found his style of writing suited to their taste.

His style of writing were often influenced by P.G.Wodehouse, the great writer whose comical genius is well-known. The characters immortalized by P.L. include "Sakharam Gatne" the fumbling kid who often amazed everyone with his knowledge of Marathi literature. The narrative explains the journey of Sakharam from being a clumsy bookworm to a mature man who realizes that the world has more to it than just a few words in print. P.L.'s keen sense of observation is evident from all of his works. Just like "Sakharam", P.L. has caricatured the life of a rather average middle class person in his "Asa Mi Asa Mi" which literally means "How I am..". This work of his brings out the everyday troubles of a middle class person piqued by his family-related issues. An interesting aspect of this fable is the transformation brought about in P.L.'s protagonist owing to his children and their new-age values. Each of these characters have left an indelible mark on the minds of the Maharashtrian community, the reason being they are very real, have shortcomings and have a unique persona. Right from the very lovable "Haritatya", a bumbling old man who entertains children with his stories of Shivaji to "Antubarwa" , a person whose wit and sarcasm leave you dumb-founded.

P.L. not only wrote, but he was a great musical genius and gave Marathi Cinema a new lease of life, with classics like "Gulacha Ganpati". His favorite instrument was the harmonium which he played and also performed live concerts. Ably assisted by his wife, Sunita, P.L. had a great journey, travelling all over the world and even wrote travelogues with his own comical touch.

12th June 2000 was the fateful day when the lord ended P.L.'s journey in the mortal world. And it reminded me of one of his short plays- "Sangtwan" (Condolences). The drama is a wonderful take on those people who gather at condolence meetings, but instead have apathy towards the bereaved. In case of P.L., the city of Pune itself had an air of sadness on the day P.L. passed away.I took a taxi to P.L.'s home that day, i alighted from the cab and paid the driver his fare. The man, looking a bit sad, and politlely returned the money, and said "P.L. was one of our own, I won't accept the money".

Hopefully, the Marathi community ,globally can unearth talent which if not equivalent ,but can live upto the name of Purshottam Laxman Deshpande.

May P.L. rest in peace....:)

PORN-o-COPIA

In countries like India, cable television brought about a huge revolution. The reach of Doordarshan and its limited programs underwent a landmark transformation. Villages and cities started watching newer channels and thus begins my story for this post. In a country where sex is treated like a skeleton in a closet, Sun TV decided to take a huge plunge by offering....wait for it...PORN! Lo and behold, it was the entry of the plump women and portly men in the drawing room of every household. Kids like myself tuned to Sun late nights on weekends with the volume turned off. But much to the dismay of the teen population (and some adults!) the I&B mafia (they ought to have Italian origins!) boycotted these screenings. Late night movies vanished into thin air. It was like, there was no "juice" left in the TV programs except the regular stuff. But, where there is a will, there is a way. People found out that the internet was a rich anthology of porn. Desi hubs were flocked by millions of cyber space enthusiasts to download the latest "clips". It was amusing to know of the exchange of "CD"s containing adult content in every nook and corner of every campus. It was just one big "CD Mafia" which had internet as its core strength. Some of the accounts chronicled mention of students picking up fights for the ownership of these CDs ;).

One infamous account which I remember was when my friend accidentally popped a CD into our college workstation thinking that it contained MATLAB. This incident reportedly happened when my learned friend was trying to demonstrate the use of MATLAB to a group of good looking teenage "chicks". The CD started playing the "MATLAB" component and the display was filled with -men and women shedding clothes...and ...well u got the point rite? One of the "chicks" remarked..."Dude, grow up!" We all laughed till my stomach began aching!

Another of my friends was an enthusiast when it came to porno stuff. As the grapevine has it, he compiled a "Mr.Skin" kinda CD from all the DVDs he had and rented it to people in his colony. I had the privilege to view this CD and was astounded by his astute work!! (aesthetics i meant)

Well, coming to America, porn and the concept of nudity underwent a radical change for the Yankee loving desi folks. Here, porn shops were there right across the street. CDs and DVDs were hitherto either pirated or ripped from the net while I was in India. Here, one could order stuff from sites like E-Bay. It was a surprise to know that the Occident didnot really make a brouhaha when it came to these adult oriented materials. A jolt from the blue kind of thing was when I turned on the TV once to find this- "Katie Morgan's pornography 101". The damsel sans clothing was vividly explaining the history of pornography and its repercussions on American Culture. It meant a journey from black and white movies to the current day HD.America in fact hosts one of the biggest conventions with the theme -"Adult movie stars and their appearances" (Source: "The Girl Next Door" movie).

The essence of writing this apparently "meaningless" essay was to highlight the distinct treatment given to this age old "art" on either side of the globe. It is looked down upon in a country with the largest population density and embraced openly by one with the least density.

FYI, it is a meaningless post....if you reached till here...your patience is admirable ;)

"A journey to the other side...."

A movie so unique that it defines a genre of its own! Thats my take on the widely acclaimed marathi movie "Uttarayan". The tale of "Durgi" adapted by director Bipin Nadkarni is about a man who meets his childhood love in his twilight years. It is a poignant story of love and affection revolving around the two protagonists- one a widower and the other a woman "Durgi" with a broken marriage. Adding to Durgi's woes are the constant taunts from the society about her character and place in society. The movie begins circa 1960 in Pune where she gets married to a rich barrister who turns out to be a drunkard. Her father-in-law tries to make advances towards her. Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea, she braves her way through life.
Enter "Raghu" the widower who now has the sole purpose ensuring that his son's life in firmly ensconced in comfort and happiness. Blessed with a picture perfect happy family, Raghu meets his old friend and that's when the topic of "Durgi" comes up. "Raghu" vividly remembers his fond memories from teenage years, his doting love for the girl and the pain of seeing her married to some one else but himself. He returns to meet her , only to find her in a state of apathy.
Contemporary marathi movies are pioneering a new trend- adapting a story to fit the settings of the bourgeois who are hard working people with a set of values in life. A touch of realism makes these movies more appealing to the average cinema goer. It makes "Uttarayan" easy to identify with, as it is with other marathi movies. This journey to the other side hits a road block once word gets out about a sexagenarian's "Raghu" wanting to marry "Durgi" a woman with a questionable past.
It is the ease with which the narrative takes its course,which captivates the audience. "Dhund Hote.." in both male and female versions, has been a rendition with a lot of poise. The other songs too are good and allows the user to sink in the emotions experienced by the two protagonists in the movie.
Personally, I hope the Marathi movie makers invest more time and energy to come up with such great storylines to take Marathi cinema to new pedestal,of glory and fame.
:)

The "Middle Class" Guy

One of the sects of the Mumbai Diaspora which continues to fascinate me, is its middle class. This archetypically modelled section is often attributed a lot of success for producing quality engineers, doctors, accountants and other pros. The reason behind this success is the thought process which the middle class has, mainly its utmost respect for education and hard work.
One of my favorite heroes comes from this background. His acting prowess and the ease with which he sinks into his roles, continues to amaze me. For the past several years, he has worked with the great "Bongs"-Basu Chatterjee, Hrishikesh Mukherjee among a few notable of them. The man i am referring to is none other than- Amol Palekar. He has been the epitome of the "middle class" hero for as long as I remember. His expressions and dialogues in all of his movies spoke a lot about the twists and turns one encounters in various walks of life. It was "Golmaal" where his character bends every rule to secure his foothold in the office of a moustache-loving babu. This movie talks every bit about the aspirations of an easy going young man who yearns to be the next Amitabh! One cannot help but wonder at how he could hold his own amongst the actors of his generation like the great Utpal Dutt. If "Golmaal" was all fun and games, "Choti si Baat" was a story of a young man whose very aim is to charm the lady he likes with his qualities (genetically inherited from his middle class parents!). The only hitch is that he is too introvert to take life into his own hands and be the "Man". "Choti si Baat" spoke about the troubles of a person who never had to make a decision on his own till it came to the issue of a girl he loved. It reflected the middle class upbringing with children living in the shadows of their parents despite reaching a nubile age.
"Baton Baton Mein" was yet another masterpiece for its simple portrayal of a young couple's marriage plans being affected by the decisions of their families. One of the most hilarious scenes from that movie was when the hero and the heroine plan a movie date, only to know that their parents would accompany them as well! Far before movies like "Saathiya" (Alaipayuthey) which showed romance brewing in the otherwise congested local trains of Mumbai, "Baton Baton Mein" started the trend. Well, one could easily understand from the movie that Mumbai had lesser population then!
This post was dedicated to Amol Palekar and the middle class fraternity cause of one reason. Both seem to have vanished from the film circuit. No longer does one find the well educated young man in movies, who Amol so graciously portrayed on the 70mm reel. Its all the Karan Johars and the Shahrukhs who have decided to take film making into their hands with larger than life roles and scenes enacted in the flowery confines of Snow Clad Alps. If only someone thought of the middle class.....:)

Room-Mat-ing......

Hi,
I am back to writing ....(plz bear me once again!). Since coming to the U.S., I have had a myriad of experiences more personal, than professional. Some are good, others are nasty while there are some which are just strange! Well, the first thing to do when we come arrive is to find a house and people who can stay with ya (by sharing rent of course! we are cheap!). These "people" or "persons" are called "roomies". Many of my close friends too had trouble finding good roomies, whilst others had trouble getting rid of the BAD ones! Well, here are a few observations...about roomies and some pointers to get you started, in general.

1) As many point out, a good friend might not turn out to be a good roomie.
2) Be aware of sweet talking people who approach you for a roomie request. Statistically, these are the ones who want to get work done from you! (ALL OF IT!!)
3) A person who often shows non chalance when it comes to matters of food, mostly is going to suck as a roomie. (Since he/she (if you are lucky!) may not be interested in cooking edible products)
4) History bears testimony to...............(that was just to grab attention!)
The best of friends can be the worst of roomies!! Try to be a roomate with a friend who has a history of being a good roomie as well. OR better still, tie up with a total stranger.
5) When it comes to disagreements, your behavior and personality as well as people skills matter. If you are known to be a bull headed ,headstrong person, just lock horns with the person who is arguing! For people like me (who are diplomatic) you have to walk a tight rope. DONOT hit back and try to pacify the sparring parties. (Machiavelli says this is a good situation to score brownie points!!! on either side!)
6) COOKING-1: This has been a subject over which roomates have split and fought like knights in shining armor fighting over a fair maiden! (with vessels etc..). You can never be sure of the "roomate" being a good cook. Please donot over expect ,neither should you under-expect (hows that for neologism over,under etc).
Some roomies are understanding ,but seem to be a rarity. Most others tend to think they are country cousins of "Tarla Dalal" or "Sanjeev Kapur".( You might suck as a cook if you are wondering who these ppl are!).
7) COOKING-2: IF you are stuck with a bunch of people who cook as bad (or worse than you !!) then here are some suggestions...a)Buy lot of ready to make vegetables from Patel bros or any ready to eat stuff from any grocery store. b)Try to find a house (preferrably one full of good looking girls who cook as well are friendly).Befriend them, and you know what ................( share their groceries ! what did you think?). For those who can ,eat out on the eve of your roomies cooking turn. He/she might do the same if you are a bad cook!!!
8) COOKING-3: The best idea is to get a girlfriend/boyfriend or import one from India and make her/him cook. Girlfriends are a good choice given their proven skills. Guys are a makeshift suggestion for girls who donot like to cook. One more idea for the male gang....try to be good friends with ur girl's roomies! In case you both break up, your stomach doesn't have to suffer!!!
9) RENT: This has been a bane for many students who come to the U.S. "My roomie $^@&*$ doesn't pay a dime!!!" and "Shell out the rent $%$@^" are some of the commonly heard dialogues. Well, I have heard of roomies stealing crockery and spoons,forks etc too! Currently there is no panacea to this situation, but there are a few suggestions. Try to divide bills equally amongst all,instead of one person paying for all. As time passes, the others forget to give their share and it becomes difficult to make them come to terms with the fact that they need to pay to stay!
10) SLEEP: If you are one of those (like me) who donot have your girlfriend as your roomie..then here are a few tips- Tell them blankly if they snore. Guys especially snore and donot admit! Well, if you have roomies who sleep walking and talking..then all the best !